My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
