I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
