He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
