My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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