she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
