I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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