Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
