I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
