He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
