he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i out mim tonsoeep
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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