remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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