My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
