I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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