Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
