I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
