First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
