this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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