this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
