I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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