The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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