the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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