so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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