Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
And then he peed in my hair
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