I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
