She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
