We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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