o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
