I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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