Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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