im having a threesome with these popsicles
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
