did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
