Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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