Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
