I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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