he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
