we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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