i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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