So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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