I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize