I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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