Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
