Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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