Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
