The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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