tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
