I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Your cock deserves a montage
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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