i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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