I don't think brook has ever known best
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
