i think my tv is drunk
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
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