That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
