I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
