Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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