you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
