super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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