i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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