i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
