I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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