I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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