wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
