I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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