New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
