We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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