My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
