I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
