Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
