I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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