Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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