she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
