I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize