OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
