Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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