well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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