I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
