no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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