Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
