just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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