The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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