I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
