i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
