So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
