Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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