we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize