i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
